So bad news & more mad news

I woke up this morning, very thirsty and I had to use the ladies room, and smoke. (yes smoking is bad for you, blah blah blah, I've heard it all) anyway so after I got done taking a few hits off my cigarette i started getting really light headed, for those of you who smoke you know what that's like when let's say you hadn't smoked since last night and you get a little light headed..anyway so i was on my knee scooter, and when i got in the kitchen my ears started ringing, I was losing my balance, all that good stuff and the next thing i know I'm on the ground with water everywhere (i must have took the bottle of water down with me) So I start waking up a little bit and notice my foot hurting really bad, at first I thought it was my already injured foot so I'm oh like hell this is really bad!! But as I wake up more i realize im drenched in water..lol and I get back on my scooter and realize that it's my other foot that hurts now, not my already injured one. Great. Well that was this morning & I can move my foot, it didn't swell so it doesn't seem to be anything too serious but it hurts really bad when I walk on it & the pain like shoots up my leg? Or when I step on it a certain way that's very painful as well. That's just my luck

-_-


So I'm hoping and praying to god I didn't do anything too bad to my one good working foot and that it will be better in a few days or week or two weeks...or whenever as long as its not permanent.

I hope someone out there is having a good day.


Also, i got a call my from my foot doctors office, saying that my doctor would be out of town and I would have to reschedule. I will, I'll just go with a different doctor I guess

So Life Goes On

So I haven't wrote in a while, but nothing has changed much.
My doctor appointment is coming up soon to decide what we are going to do with this foot of mine!
I'm hoping that it magically healed itself and I'm good to go but that's not reality. So, I'm pretty sure he's going to be like oooookay let's do this fusion.

I've experimented - usually i keep my foot up at night and uncovered because i don't want it to get wrapped in the blankets and mess it up or turn it the wrong way, so I've covered it up a few times and nothing happened! Which is good because I'm tired of my ONE foot being cold all the time..
Also, when on crutches & resting in one spot, I'll put my foot down just to see if I can get it all the way on the ground like flat - I can but its uncomfortable, I also applied a bit of pressure and ...yeah it still hurts.
But i can move all my toes, not a lot but it's a start right?!

I've had my good friend stay with me for a while, she's my best friend & she had to leave today So i'm pretty sad about that but she has a life too - she lives up north & I'm near the bottom of Michigan. 

Life has been not so great, but I'm dealing with it. My grandma is having medical problems that could be life threatening :( I've been fighting with my sister, which is sad because we were so close.
And I'm still dealing with a heart break

I keep thinking that it could get worse but let's hope it doesn't & let's hope it gets better. This time in my life is really testing my strength. I have my up and downs, mostly downs but I think I'm staying afloat pretty well. 

So..the plan!

So, I have made a choice.
The doctor I chose has did surgery on my grandma her knee's and shoulder.

His plan:

See how it goes for a month, if it's healing good then we can go from there
& if not then we will go ahead and do the fusion.


I feel good about my decision.

Also, recently - Whenever i don't have my foot up like when it's down it turns blue
I went to the ER and they didn't find a blood clot.
Soo..I don't know what's going on there. Any suggestions? Did that happen to anyone else?

update! the biiiiiig news

So in a nut shell, one doctor says surgery

Another one says it's not worth it.


The bone was crushed on the bottom of my foot and one doctor wants to put the hardware in
but I went to get a second opinion and he said that it wasn't moved enough & that either way i do it i'm always going to have problems, & that's surgery would further complicate things because the broken bone is already probably healed since it's almost been a month since the injury and at this point it might not even move. He said he wouldn't do it if it was his foot and that we should let it heal on it's own and if i'm still having problems in 6 months to a year then he would do the fusion.


I have no idea what to do!!

Am I going about this the wrong way?

So, My doc told me to stay off my foot. I have crutches.

My family keeps saying that I should get up instead of lay on the couch all day & that I'm only depressed because of  [who's name we shall not speak]

They said I need to get up and do things, and that I'm being a crybaby.

It's possible.

Any suggestions, idea's? are they right? I'm open for opinions.

It's late & I can't sleep.

Has anyone ever seen the series 1000 ways to die?

Crazy stuff...and very graphic.

Which brings me to my point, I may not be able to walk but I'm happy that I'm alive.

You think about your life, & everything you've done and the choices you've made, it makes you realize how fast time goes by & how precious life truly is.

Regardless of my current injury and what it may bring in the future and my current heartbreak, life goes on.
In due time, my foot & heart will heal...and then I feel like I can start fresh.

I've learned a lot from all this:
1. I'm very clumsy.
2. Trust NO ONE
3. Tv is extremely overrated
4. I'm damn good reader
5.1000 ways to die.(ha! get it?!)

I often sit here and think about all the things I WILL be able to do in the future, because now,  It seems a lot more important, having an injury really opens your eyes up.

Yay, some progress!

Okay, enough boy drama.

Back to the real problem here, my foot! I'm sorry I can't get my x rays or anything, but my foot looks pretty much like everyone's elses when they have this injury.

This is my foot about 2 weeks ago, when this first happened. Gross eh?

This is my foot now, compared to the other one. I've done nothing but hurt my other foot by the way, ..of course.

& my foot now! So the swelling has gone down considerably.. kind of. Not the best pictures but hey.

Last night I got irritated, It happens So while I'm laying there on the couch I decided to put some pressure on my foot and put me knee up....and NOTHING HAPPENED, BUT, that was on a couch and I didn't put that much weight on it. So today, I think I'll try the hard floor & more weight just to see where I'm at. I'm scared!! But I'm dying to know how far I can go.


There's so much more to this injury than not being able to walk.


I've felt myself become more and more depressed everyday. At first there's a million scary thoughts going through my head, and it's easy to get down, I still struggle with it. Will I ever be able to walk again, normally? How long am I going to be out? What on gods earth am I going to do with all this time? Sooo many questions & not enough answers. 

Thursday cannot come soon enough. My appointment with my doctor (who is awesomely nice) will tell me hopefully, what exactly is going on, if in fact I do have lis franc and the results of the cat scan and what  steps to take from there. I'm pretty sure it is lis franc because after all the blogs I've read, I think it's safe to say that's whats going on here.


& on top of all this, my heart hurts.


I REFUSE to sit around and be sad ALL day, I've found good phone conversations & laughs will help, a good jam session, tv series and an awesome book.


I just have to take it day by day.

A little explanation

Let's start from the beginning;

Years ago, when MySpace was cool and having 3-83490583409534 friends, that mostly consist of people you didn't know, I found a boy. Not just any boy, he was special. In my own world, where nothing makes sense & weird was the only way to go, & anything depressing was brilliant -  I had found someone who could possibly understand. He lived in the same town that I did, knew some of the people I knew but we had never crossed paths until I added him on MySpace. Thus began our journey, We talked, and talked and talked. I really liked him, I was sure I had found the most amazing human being to ever live, besides myself of course. Let's remember, I was ohh maybe 17..we never made anything out of that, never decided to meet up or anything. Time went on and we had both found relationships. So about 3 years later, after my horrible break up with my ex of two years I decided to try out POF. For anyone who's ever been on that website, you know how it is. As fate would have it, guess who I found! My dream boy. So things went from there, he added me on facebook, we started texting, talking on the phone blah blah and we liked each other but being older now we decided we should meet up. I was nervous at first, I have self esteem issues and I felt that for him, I had to be perfect. For 4 months he waited to see me. It was not all fun, I had told myself to never trust another man, no one would have hurt me like that again and I was sticking too it, this was a problem. Also, we had our differences, I believed in god and he didn't. He convinced me that he truly did like me and that he was not like all the other guys around this town & my first mistake was believing him. I had to, his ex cheated on him,  he's had bad breaks up, that matched with my history so I thought just maybe I had found someone who wouldn't tear my heart to pieces. There were so many things I liked about him, he made me feel special, like he understood me. I got scared a couple of times & tried to break it off but I couldn't let go. So after his pleading and promises I threw caution to the wind and said to hell with it, I'm in. We finally met up, and he was everything I expected plus more. A few weeks in, things started to go downhill. We were fighting a lot and not getting along, So one day he text me & says that he needs time and that he's going through a lot and that his ex tried to talk to him and that it hurt him more than he thought and that it wasn't fair for me. You can sit there and think he did the right thing by being honest, and he probably did but that doesn't stop the bleeding. I put my trust in him, my faith and I had given him everything I had, A break is still a break.The same week, Friday the 13th I slid down some stairs and I was FREAKING out, my foot looked like a watermelon, I couldn't walk on it at all. I went to the ER they said possible fracture and said to fallow up with an appointment with the bone doctor. The great doctor looked at my x rays and didn't see a break but he suggested Lis Franc.  With all this going on, I broke down. To any of you who has suffered from anything like this, you'll understand. You can't walk, you can't get up and take a piss without something hurting, You could go INSANE from being so bored all the time. The sun is shining outside but you can't go enjoy it. Most of all, You just want to walk. S0, I'm still waiting on my results of the cat scan to decide If  I need surgery or not and I had never done anything like this, I've never gotten stung by a bee. I'm scared and freaking out & on top of all this I'm dealing with a broken heart. I started this blog so people know, so I can share my pain with the world because It's better than holding it all in & if someone has anything to say, an opinion or suggestion or advice or just can relate, Please let me know. I love talking.